To a lover,

Well, I don't know if that's what I want. Sometimes I think I never really want you again (even though I do now, I don't really, not for the long run), and other times I feel what I used to feel. I don't know, it's all so silly. I'm happy where I am with everyone else- I enjoy the talking and the hoping and learning about myself through new people; flirting and fleeting and kissing and conversing and playing freely. However, I'm not satisfied with where I am with you. I mean shit there are only two directions. The problem is neither of them look very promising to me. I suppose time will reveal whose soul walks with mine? But what if no one's ever does? I don't want us to come along with eachother, I want us to already be where the other is going. I don't know if what I want is possible with you. But ew I don't really want anyone else. I mean I DO, I really do, but not deeply. Not in that way. Forever, sure, but I can't imagine it being... Well, I don't know. I guess when I boil it down, there's really only one thing I would need from you. I needed from you. If we had had that one thing, maybe we wouldn't have gone to shit. Without that, it doesn't matter how much we "love" each other. Without that none of this works. And in a similar light, without love, that one thing is wasted anyway. I have to find somebody I love, who loves me, and who can find that one thing with. Poo.

Sunshine.