Dear Heart,



You're a bitch, simply put. Why do you constantly confuse me on my wants and needs? One moment you're saying "her! her! her!", then your brother, who surely has A.D.D,. grabs your hand and whisk you away to your next distraction. You two confuse my brain and therefore confuse me. FIGURE IT OUT! It's difficult to truly know who I actually am interested in when fickle siblings are constantly being amused by pretty little things. These pretty little things are nothing more than passing attractions, much like the Circus. For the most part they are much like the Circus. Many attractions, but only temporarily entertaining. 


When will you two actually set your sights on something I can work with. The picks so far have been anything but "winners". The majority only proving that the cliche "pretty on the outside, ugly on the inside" still holds true. Is it so hard to ask for someone who is both? So to make it easier on your whimsical selves I have compiled a guide to help you weed out those who need not apply.



1. Girls who spend more than 15-30 minutes applying make-up. Waking up next to them in the morning is like waking up next to the Joker. Scary as shit!


2. Girls who constantly insist in using phrases such as "LIKE" "OMG!" "OH MY GAWD" "NO WAY!" "SHAT AP!" or the combination of "OMG! SHAT AP! OH MY GAWD LIKE SHAT AP!" This is not a complete list of annoying phrases, there are more but they fail to come to mind.


3. Girls who look like they are going to a club when in actuality they are merely going to there classes. Not the business.


4. Girls who scale guys on what cars they drive, how much money they have, or the clothes they wear. Sorry to break it to you ladies but those guys are probably gay or fighting the little girl trying to get out of the closet. Or merely overcompensating for things they are lacking.


5. Girls who have no sense of humor.


6. Girls who think "they're shit doesn't stink". It probably smells worse because more likely than not your full of shit anyways :p oops.



In reality all I actually look for is the following:



1. Attractive to some degree.


2. Sociable


3. Intelligent


4. Unique

5. A cute smile and laugh, takes you miles.


& lastly 6. Let's be real... "Lady in the streets, FREAK in the sheets" BOM CHIKA WOW WOW! 


So let's all work as a team and get it done shall we? Alright good talk!



Sincerely,



Spare Tire