Snippeteers,

Sometimes you need to change. Sometimes it's because you get the rug pulled out from under you, sometimes it's just because it's long over due. For me it was both. First the easy things. Eat healthier, workout, wake up early, go to bed early. Those things are superficial, instantly gratifying. But they only work if you don't scapegoat with psychological license. Only drink water (maybe the occasional beer). Eat healthy, exercise regularly. Maybe buy a couple of new shirts, or a new pair of jeans. Seeing yourself in new ways makes it stick better, like opening space on the surface opens new room on more substantial levels. Nothing drastic, but perseverance is key. If you planned to run two miles on Saturday, and work out for 45 minutes Sunday--do it. Even if you walk one of the miles, get the two done. Even if you do fewer machines or reps, go the full 45. The incentive will slowly become self-evident, you'll feel better than you have in ages. There are other things you can do, read books and learn guitar and stuff, just figure it out and stick to it. That's all it takes. But that's just part one.

You can get in to a rhythm with part one in two or three weeks. Part two takes longer, and it takes more. To make changes to your personality, your emotional processes, and your interactions you have to be aware. Hyper aware. But you can't be hyper critical, or analytical. Just observant, with inference. Perspicacious. What a good word. Those P words always are. Every time you feel yourself spike (experience intense emotion), if it's driving, on the phone with a friend, while at work--whatever, notice it. Figure out how you respond to stimuli in different environments. Then figure out why you do it. Is it because it makes you feel in control? Pleasurable? Gratified? However fleetingly. Every time you swear, everything from douche bag to fuck, think about it. Was it just "words"? Or was it a genuine reaction. Patterns start to emerge and chances are you figure out you're doing things to your detriment, but now you know and that's half the battle. These little "whys" lead to a deeper understanding of how you operate, how to assess it, and how to upgrade it. I was a short-sighted, selfish, over confident asshole. Still am pretty much. But at least I know now. Slowly I'm shifting. It's hard. That is for sure. But whether you got fired from a job, are struggling to settle in to a new place, or, in my case, probably won't ever again get to wrap your arms around the one you thought was the one, you can make the change now. Because even if it took some horrendous dislocation of comfortable things in your life to make you realize you needed to change--at least you know now. And you can effect it, so, in the future, you don't have to subject yourself or anyone else to the things you figured out and changed already. So much easier typed than done, but hey, well worth it, right snippetverse?

M.L.