To anybody,

 

Life seems so crazy and I don't know why. I feel like it shouldn't. On paper my life is great. About to graduate college after spending for years in awesome _____. I have a government job lined up upon graduating. It's in a department that never gets cut, so I have almost guaranteed job safety. I have been dating the same girl for almost three years. Stable family, etc. etc. Yet on the inside I feel like nothing is right.

I'm not sure if I am on the path of life I want to be on. It's too late to change now I suppose. But then will I truly be happy? I just don't know. In example my relationship; the song "For the Woman" by Dan Le Sac vs. Scroobius Pip describes it perfectly. I am content and thoroughly enjoy our relationship yet I have had feelings for one of my friend since before we started dating. I think I will always have these feelings. I've told my friend about this, I don't think we'll ever get together but I don't know how to block those feelings out. I've obviously never told my girlfriend but I think she has a hunch.

What should I do? If I continue on this path I'm sure I will live a good life, but I think I will always ask myself what if. What if I do something else? Even the smallest changes today can have the most drastic changes on our future. Even if I do make a change in my life there is no guarantee that it will make me happy. Thus is it worth the hardship of making that change? That I don't know either.

Who knows, maybe I am just being melodramatic. I just can't fucking talk about my feelings so it was nice to write this. I wish I was as care free as Sunshine. Life would be so much more bearable.

Peace out.

Ulysses