To No One

Dear No One,

Talking to _______ makes me sick to my stomach. Is that normal? Sometimes I am so overcome with emotions I am frozen – stuck – waiting. For what? Not sure….. something/someone/somewhere. I know I love you. I know I miss you. I know I want to be with you all the time. I know that when we are together life feels more complete.

Desire is desire no matter where you go. I try to remember that. But right now, desire is for you and you and us and we and me and fun. Smiling, laughing, not caring. It’s like a lump in my throat, always there to remind me.   Sometimes I want it to be over – the desire. I know that that is not rational. Sometimes I try to overcome my emotions with logic. Sometimes it works, usually it doesn’t. Usually I overcome them with substances. We should run away together to lay in the sun forever. This is sort of making me feel better.

When I see these things I remember the lump in my throat and I remember you and you and us and we and me and everything. I want it all and I want none of it. What the fuck life.

Love,

Someone