Dear PEOPLE CLOSE TO ME and also WORLD,

You don't know a lot of things about me. I don't let you know about those things, so I don't blame you much for that. However, I'm starting to reach a point where I feel like being more honest with myself, possibly more honest with you. I'm hesitant though, because of how I have already seen you react in similar situations. 

I think the way you think of people with sexual orientation different than your own is really discouraging. I want to believe that you truly don't think less, but sometimes how quick your negative remarks pop up, even at random, makes it hard. At first, years ago and sometimes still, yes, I admit I say similar things when provoked. But I never truly felt that way, doesn't make it right, doesn't make me better than you. The truth is though my sexual orientation seems to be entirely different than yours.

Or at least, has the potential to be.

Things aren't so black and white. 

I won't talk to you about it because I just don't think you will ever look beyond that when I do.

You see people as their gender, and as their preference. To you there is a right and a wrong. This one sexual path everyone identifies with. 

I've only ever been with guys, so I feel especially defensive about everything. 

Like I am going to be judged and relooked at and made into ths big ordeal because I feel the ability inside myself to love both.

To love a girl as well. To want to be with a girl as well. 

I just don't want to be questioned. I don't want to have to explain myself.

I don't want to be defensive.

I also don't like the seriousness of it either. 

The concrete status and first impression you get from then on out.

Or how I feel like I'm hiding a nasty secret from you and everyone.

That is my own insecurity about it, I shy away from the topic because of others.

And perhaps yes, I should be more open about my believes, and more loud and proactive for it.

But I'm scared of that. I'm torn because I want to be an example of understanding. I want to be who I am.

I just don't think you'll understand it. 

I don't want your opinion of me to change.

I don't want MY opinion of ME to change because of your opinion anymore than it already has.

XX