To myself, and more

It could be calming, growing old with you. composure, coolness, calmness, self-possession- all of the existences we don't embody or can't grasp. Too much life flowing within each of us, too much energy to share. stubborn; fleeing emotions. maybe when we're old we'll be able to keep our love down. maybe that's why passion burns inside us now, only to sleep between us later...

i felt it today, leaping flames inside my chest. loving you, staring at your back- reached out to touch it, you melted at my fingertips, shoulders hunching out to meet me. loved you deeply, in that moment, flicking through memories of you living out your life. want to be there, want to see it, want to see you die satisfied, invested like i am in your ideas for films, want to be there, want to see you, want to listen to you grow. is this what it feels like to love you?

we get too micromanagerial, blinded by the darkness from time to time, forget that we came here for a purpose, heads stuck in a honey jar. smell the sweet forget to taste it.

i'm rooting for us to smooth out the creases. you can see the bumps and folds. we can't ignore them, they'll trip us into death one day. and i don't want to buy a new rug. i want to grow old with this one. we could reflect on this one day, stronger people, partners in crime, walking with a quiet that demands respect- i'm rooting for us, this could fly float or fall at our feet. is this what it feels like, then. respecting you. we can fly, i know we can. we will or we won't. i'm rooting for us. is this what it feels like to know a person and keep wanting to know them. pure, pure moments. no one telling me to stop. reason and heartache and headache on break. better than perfect, untouched by memory, only you and i and the truth. is that what it feels like? wish i could bottle it.cuz when i say i want to live away in some rocking chair with some odd companion, i mean you.

sunshine